Oh, That Sweden
by Virginiagirl13
Summary: This is pure crack. Thanks to Fictional-chan for making me come up with this idea. Please do not take any of this seriously because no countries were hurt in the making of this crack


It all started when our over-heralded star, Norway, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling excessively stunned, Norway slapped a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he realized that his beloved Sweden was missing! Immediately he called his enemy in training, Iceland. Norway had known Iceland for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. Iceland was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... abrasive. Norway called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Iceland picked up to a very mad Norway. Iceland calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths turn red before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually sassily yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Norway. Why was Iceland trying to distract Norway? Because he had snuck out from Norway's with the Sweden only three days prior. It was a curious little Sweden... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Norway got back to the subject at hand: his Sweden. Iceland cringed. Relunctantly, Iceland invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Sweden. Norway grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Iceland realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Sweden and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Norway took the pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac, he had take at least five minutes before Norway would get there. But if he took the Denmark? Then Iceland would be scarcely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Iceland was interrupted by two annoying Italys that were lured by his Sweden. Iceland sighed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he deftly reached for his dull pencil and skillfully stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent-the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Denmark rolling up. It was Norway.

-o0o-

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Norway was out of the Denmark and went charismatically jaunting toward Iceland's front door. Meanwhile inside, Iceland was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Sweden into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his giraffe. Iceland was worried but at least the Sweden was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Iceland explosively purred. With a calculated push, Norway opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling flaming idiot in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Iceland assured him. Norway took a seat hilariously close to where Iceland had hidden the Sweden. Iceland sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Norway was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Iceland noticed a funny-smelling look on Norway's face. Norway slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Iceland felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Norway asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Sweden right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Norway's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Norway nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Iceland could react, Norway skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Sweden was plainly in view.

Norway stared at Iceland for what what must've been seven millseconds. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, Iceland groped sassily in Norway's direction, clearly desperate. Norway grabbed the Sweden and bolted for the door. It was locked. Iceland let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Norway,' he rebuked. Iceland always had been a little dimwitted, so Norway knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Iceland did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his Sweden tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Iceland looked on, blankly. 'What the heck? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Norway. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Norway. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Iceland walked over to the window and looked down. Norway was gone.

-o0o-

Just yonder, Norway was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Iceland's place. Norway had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Italys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Sweden. One by one they latched on to Norway. Already weakened from his injury, Norway yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Italys running off with his Sweden.

About four hours later, Norway awoke, his love handle throbbing. It was dark and Norway did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious disease-infested jungle, Norway was ridiculously lost. A few unsatisfying minutes later, he remembered that his Sweden was taken by the Italys. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge Italy emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha Italy. Norway opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Italy sunk its teeth into Norway's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Norway's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Iceland was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Sweden. 'MY PRECIOUS!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ninja star. With a quick thrust, he buried it deeply into his armpit. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Norway... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Sweden that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Italys, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(


End file.
